Another Fine Saturday Evening...

Today, without the allure of Newsnight and Jeremy Paxman to keep me company, i decided to go out for the evening with my close friend Derek.
Derek is a good man, he has not had a lot of luck in his life.
He is currently undergoing extensive physiotherapy at Scunthorpe General Hospital after tearing one of his ankle ligaments, having been knocked over by a woman with a pushchair while exiting a train.
He will moan forever about the size of push-chairs, and how the woman managed to hold up a long line of passengers waiting to leave the train just to tend to her crying baby's nappy rash.
We decided after much deliberation to go to our local for a few drinks.
The Harp and Crown is a nice little pub, it's homely and most of the time it isn’t over-run with no good youngsters frolicking and swearing every other word.
After my first pint of Mansfield Original Bitter, I was distracted by not a man over-exaggerating and chuntering over my right shoulder.
This was not a man in the pub.
This was coming from the television screen.
I saw a middle aged Caucasian man and his stunningly attractive token side kick exclaiming massive breaking news in the football world.
the only breaking news i would be interested in the football world is if Gordon Brown was to turn round and announce a ban on all professional football tomorrow.
However unlikely this is, i still harbour hope, that one day, football will become so embroiled in its own sensationalism that it will literally implode.
Apparently a man a little older than myself had sold himself to a team called the Hot Spurs for over £5 million pound.
Well if he can do it then why cant i?
Tomorrow as soon as i get up I’m going to find out who my closest football club is and offer them my services for half that.
I am younger than this man and can only assume that this would be an offer too good to refuse.
I just hope they don't ask me to entertain any of these prima-donna 'professional athletes' at my home. I wouldn't want them getting all that mud on my living room carpet.
I just hope Rick Wakeman can keep them away.