Gurning In Goole...

This Thursday gone i had the opportunity to fulfill a lifelong ambition. Well to say it was lifelong would be incorrect, it was probably since i was about 10/11.
It was after i moved from Cirencester, Somerset, with my parents to be closer to both sets of grandparents. that i had the chance to go with my Grandmother, god rest her soul, to the National Gurning Championships in Egremont, Cumbria. It was 1958 and my Grandmother was the challenger to the thrown of one Betty Arbuckle, the three times gurning champion, local to Egremont.
It began a love affair of mine with the tradition.
The location: Goole, Yorkshire
The time: 2pm
The task: to take place in my first ever gurning championships.
Tough crowd to please it seemed, judging by the first couple of contestants, who were unmercifully heckled off the platform.
I was next. I led with the upper jaw lift, accompanied with scrunched eyes, wide nostrils and ears pointed out towards the famous twin water towers of the port.
That did not go down well.
I was ready for my next gurn, and in attempting to win over the crowd i tried to whoop them up into a frenzy with arm pumping and shouting.
Then i saw a large red object out the corner of my eye. It was not particularly large but it was in perspective to the speed it was coming at me. It was a tomato, and it hit me just under the eye.
Like the previous two contestants i was heckled off the stage, and in that moment a lifelong ambition went down the drain, which is ironically where the tomatoes ended up going.
I wonder if Rick Wakeman is any good at gurning.
I would like to think so.